Confronting Your Mortality - The Death Taboo

Despite the taboo of planning for your mortality, not having a plan is actually what's most harmful.

In America, about two-thirds of people who should have a will still don't. Even though most of us can accept that failing to have at least some type of plan for the unexpected is very likely to result in disaster, we're still playing with fate. So, why is that? Let's take a look at some of the reasons why many people are so hesitant to get busy protecting themselves and their families.

It's a common phenomenon, and there are several psychological, emotional, and practical reasons why people procrastinate getting their will done:

1. Confronting Mortality (The "Death Taboo"):

• It's Uncomfortable: The most significant barrier is simply the inherent discomfort of contemplating one's own death or incapacitation. It forces people to face a reality they'd rather avoid.

• Superstition/Jinxing It: Some people harbor a superstitious belief that by planning for death, they might somehow hasten it.

• "I'm Too Young": As discussed, there's a strong tendency, especially among younger individuals, to believe they have ample time and that death is far off. This is a form of denial.

  
  

2. Perceived Complexity and Overwhelm:

• "My Affairs Are Too Complicated": Even if they aren't, people often imagine the process to be incredibly complex, involving legal jargon, tax implications, and a daunting amount of paperwork.

• Decision Fatigue: Estate planning involves many significant decisions: who gets what, who will be guardian, who will manage finances, healthcare wishes. For many, the sheer number of choices feels overwhelming.

• Lack of Knowledge: Many simply don't know where to start or what documents they even need (will, trust, power of attorney, etc.). This lack of understanding can lead to paralysis.

  
  

Estate Planning is an investment in the well-being of your family. Most people who finally create a plan feel prepared and realize the investment is well worth the expense.

3. Financial Concerns:

• "It's Too Expensive": There's a common misconception that getting a will done by an attorney is prohibitively expensive. While there's a cost, it's typically far less than the expenses and difficulties that arise from dying intestate.

• "I Don't Have Enough Assets": People often underestimate the value of their "estate" (which includes life insurance, retirement accounts, and even sentimental items), believing it's only for the very wealthy.

  
  

4. Lack of Urgency/No Deadline:

• No Immediate Consequence: Unlike taxes or bills, there's no immediate, external deadline for writing a will. This allows people to push it to the back burner indefinitely.

• "I'll Get Around To It Later": The classic procrastination mantra. Unfortunately, "later" often becomes "too late."

  
  

5. Interpersonal and Family Dynamics:

• Fear of Family Conflict: People might avoid making a will because they anticipate disputes among family members over inheritances or guardianship, or they're uncomfortable making decisions that might upset someone.

• Reluctance to Discuss Personal Details: Sharing intimate financial and family details with an attorney can feel intrusive or awkward.

• Unresolved Family Issues: If there are estranged family members or difficult relationships, deciding who to include or exclude from a will can be emotionally charged.

  
  

6. Trust and Perfectionism:

• Finding the "Right" Attorney: Some people delay because they're looking for the perfect legal professional or are hesitant to trust someone with such important matters.

• Desire for Perfection: A wish to cover every single possible scenario or make the will absolutely flawless can lead to endless tweaking and ultimately, no action. (It's often better to have an "imperfect" will than no will at all, as it can always be updated.)

  
  

In essence, while people understand the importance of a will, the combination of confronting mortality, perceived complexity, financial worries, a lack of external pressure, and potential interpersonal discomfort creates a powerful perfect storm for procrastination.

Working with an attorney who understands your needs and can help you get started will break the procrastination cycle.

How to Break the Procrastination Cycle

Breaking the procrastination cycle, especially for something as significant as estate planning, requires a multi-pronged approach that addresses both the psychological and practical barriers. Here's what people can do:

1. Acknowledge and Reframe the Task:

• Shift Perspective: Instead of viewing it as "planning for death," reframe it as "protecting my loved ones" or "taking control of my legacy." Focus on the positive outcomes and the peace of mind it brings.

• Identify the "Why": Remind yourself of the crucial reasons for getting it done: ensuring your children's guardianship, protecting your partner, avoiding family disputes, and minimizing legal costs. Visualize the negative consequences of not doing it.

• "It's an Act of Love": Frame it as a loving act for your family, demonstrating care and responsibility.

  
  

2. Break Down the Task into Tiny, Actionable Steps:

• The "Two-Minute Rule": If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately. This could be researching an attorney's website, sending an email, or making a phone call to schedule an initial consultation.

• Smallest Possible Step: Don't aim to draft the entire will in one sitting. Break it down:

  • Step 1: Research 3 estate planning attorneys.

  • Step 2: Call one attorney for a consultation.

  • Step 3: Gather essential documents (list of assets, birth certificates, etc.).

  • Step 4: Think about who you'd name as guardian for your children.

  • Step 5: Make a list of your significant assets.

• Set Micro-Deadlines: Instead of one big deadline (e.g., "get will done by end of year"), set small, achievable deadlines for each mini-task.

  
  

3. Address the Emotional Barriers:

• Confront the Fear (Gently): Acknowledge that it's uncomfortable to think about these things. Instead of avoiding the discomfort, lean into it briefly. Remind yourself that facing it now prevents greater emotional pain for your family later.

• Self-Compassion: Don't beat yourself up for procrastinating. Procrastination is a common human tendency. Forgive past delays and focus on taking action now.

• Focus on Relief: Imagine the immense sense of relief and peace of mind you'll feel once this important task is complete. Use that feeling as motivation.

  
  

4. Create Accountability and Support:

• Tell Someone: Share your intention to get your will done with a trusted friend, partner, or family member. This creates a subtle form of accountability.

• Schedule It: Block out specific time in your calendar for estate planning tasks, treating it like an important appointment you wouldn't miss.

• Work with a Professional: An estate planning attorney provides structure, guidance, and expertise. They can simplify the process, answer your questions, and keep you on track, significantly reducing the "overwhelm" factor. Their fees, while an upfront cost, are almost always less than the costs of probate without a will.

  
  

5. Minimize Distractions and Optimize Your Environment:

• Dedicated Time: Choose a time when you can focus without interruptions (e.g., early morning, during a quiet lunch break).

• Clear Workspace: Have all necessary documents and information organized before you start.

• Turn Off Notifications: Silence your phone and close unnecessary tabs or applications.

  
  

6. Don't Strive for Perfection (Initially):

• "Good Enough is Better Than Nothing": It's far better to have a basic will in place that can be updated later than to have no will at all. You can always amend it as your life circumstances change.

• Focus on the Core Decisions: Initially, focus on the most critical elements: who gets what, and most importantly, who will care for your children. The smaller details can be refined later.

  
  

7. Understand the Real Costs of Delay:

• Emotional Toll on Family: Remind yourself of the emotional burden and potential disputes your family will face without clear instructions.

• Financial Costs: Research the typical costs of probate in California when there's no will versus the cost of creating a will. The difference is often a powerful motivator.

  
  

By combining these strategies, people can systematically chip away at the reasons for procrastination and take proactive steps to secure their legacy and protect their loved ones. The most important step, however, is simply to just get started.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is legal advice or creates an attorney-client relationship. For a free consultation, please book your appointment at www.relatelaw.com/book-online to discuss your specific needs.